wocsoM.org

Despite the openness of the subject of polyamorous relationships in the last few years, confusion reigns. Everyone's experience of it will be different, and there's no checklist or "test" to take to see if it's right for you. Even the definition of polyamorous differs from person to person, couple to couple, threesome to group.

Literally, polyamorous simply means many loves. People usually use that basic definition to differentiate themselves from "swingers." But even that gets confusing. At the most basic, people identifying themselves as polyamorous are implying that they are in an open sexual relationship where both partners have agreed to have other partners, most often for the mutual enjoyment of both, but not always. It can be further distilled to "polyfidelous," which implies that there are more than two partners, but that all partners involved have a mutual agreement of sexual fidelity to each other - the safest way to play.

In deciding what's right for you, whether you are one of a couple who desires to be polyamorous, or a single contemplating joining a polyamorous couple or group, open discussion between all parties is most desirable. Be skeptical of any guy who indicates that his wife is allowing him to be the emissary and shows up alone. Polyamory only works when everyone is in full accord.

The hardest thing is finding compatible partners. Many times the new partner will be attractive to one member of the twosome, but not the other. Couples wanting to become polyamorous need to agree on new playmates or partners. The new person should not feel bad if he or she doesn't hear from the couple again after the first meeting. And the first meeting should be just that - a meeting of the minds. Figure out whether you like these people or this person first before embarking on a sexual relationship with them.

One thing that must be understood is about "pecking order." Despite a couple's assurance that they want the other person to be an "equal" partner, it rarely happens, and it's best to go into such a relationship knowing that. Face it, we're not acculturated for polygamy unless we've been raised in that kind of culture. The third person should not assume he or she is being brought in to replace the other partner nor because the other partner is inadequate. This sets up a tension that is needless and destructive. Polyamorous women are usually not jealous - unless given a reason to be. They enjoy sharing their partner and that needs to be understood on its

own merit, not undermined.

Polyamory is not a "fix" for a failing relationship. The best polyamorous relationships are among healthily relating couples. If a couple wants to have a threesome to spice up the relationship, it requires a lot of thinking, planning, and open communication. If one of the parties feels imposed upon, then no one will have a good time.

One of the most important questions will be, will the same-sex partners be sharing each other? This is something people definitely want to discuss before entering into such a relationship. Talk about all "rules" and/or boundaries. Don't assume anything. The more open the discussion beforehand, the more successful such a relationship can be.

In short, if you want to consider a polyamorous relationship, talk! Talk! Talk! Talk! First talk to others you know have been involved in such a relationship and get their take on it. Talk to as many different couples, threesomes, groups that you can. Everyone has his or her own take, own experiences, own advice. Add it all up and decide whether or not it's for you. Then, above all - play safe. Polyamory is not something that should be a spontaneous decision. Everyone should get checked for STD's beforehand and recent results produced.

Too many rules? Not that open? Don't like to talk about embarrassing stuff? Then polyamory is not for you. On the other hand, if you're open, willing, above-board, and very communicative, it can be a lot of fun. Play safe!

source